He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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