It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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