Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I still have a little drunk in my system
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
