yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
