Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
