FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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