didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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