cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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