he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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