he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
