apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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