We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
