Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
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You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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