So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
