at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
