i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
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Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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