this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
