hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
