my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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