Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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