Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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