You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I love how my cats smell like pot.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
