just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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