Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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