I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
