is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
