"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
