Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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