i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
