oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
