ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
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after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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