she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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