Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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