no you cant smoke seaweed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
