In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
