I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
