Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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