i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
