the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
