It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
