I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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