i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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