I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
