umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
