when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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