woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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