what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
even my farts smell like vagina
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.