I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
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Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
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Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society