i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off