Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS