end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the condom got lost in my hair
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.