who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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