put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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