I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
