I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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