She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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