If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
