Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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