Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
