He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
