I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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