My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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