hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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