hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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