ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
