My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Mom said you looked used
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
