the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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