you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
