you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
