I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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