i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The uberlube is also flammable
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
