Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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