i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
