Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize