just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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