i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
