my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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