Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
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So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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