Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
