there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
