you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
