But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
