He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
